A Zen Koan or a Cop Out?
My dad was getting old. So one day, when I was back in Kansas visiting, I decided it was time to get his insight on his life. I wanted him to give me some great teaching, some great insight he gleaned from life – something to share with me before he passed. His big take away.
I can’t remember how I asked him, but I wanted to know if life was worth all the blood, sweat and tears he poured into it, as well as all the laughs, joys and experiences he got out of it. That was the gist of the question.
He quickly and simply said, “Well, ya gotta do something.”
‘That’s it?’ I wondered. I had hoped for something more.
Before I could push any harder, he added, “If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing.”
‘Huh,’ I thought. I was pretty sure all I needed was one more bad decision and I’d have the whole set. I already wanted do-overs, a complete revamp of life. He was content. Was his answer a Zen koan or a cop out? Was he being mindful or delusional? Maybe both; maybe neither.
Nor was I sure which of us was right. Maybe both; maybe neither.
However, upon deep and lengthy reflection, I realized he was. The shit we step in and joy we go through make us who we are.
3 Rules of Conduct
The Inca had three basic rules for one’s conduct. “Don’t lie. Don’t steal. Don’t be lazy.” As a matter of fact, an Inca could be executed for being lazy. It went against caring for the community and its sustainable welfare and longevity. Every Inca had to do something.
Do something. Those are empowering words.
Do something. Spontaneous or planned? Provocative or evocative? Evolutionary or revolutionary? Unitive or divisive? Transformative or punitive? Active or passive?
How did he come to the conclusion that he wouldn’t change anything? Did that mean he didn’t learn from his mistakes or that he did? I didn’t ask, though. In “reflection,” I see that was a mistake. I let the opportunity get away.
Had my dad said, “Well, ya gotta do something,” but used different words, their effect on me may have been more immediate, instead of years in the making. For example, had he said, “Well, you have to give back.” Or, “Follow your heart.” “Find your niche.” Or even, “Don’t lie. Don’t steal. Don’t be lazy.” But he did not. I had to learn the eloquence and intelligence behind his “do something” answer on my own. “Do something” leaves the life experience wide open for exploration.
Answer the Tough Questions
I bring this up because elders can expect to be asked certain questions by their children, grandchildren and other friends and family. Although I’m a big believer is spontaneous answers, something can also be said for thinking through heartful answers to heartfelt questions, especially from young people. Frequently, we can’t do over the answer, just as we can’t do over life.
We should help young people make good decisions by giving them good answers to all of their questions. If a young person seems interested in what you have to say, but doesn’t push you for details, offer the details yourself. Sometimes a young person is just unable to ask for more.
Do Something ~ a Deceptively Simple Philosophy
So although in retrospect my dad gave me a great answer, I could have pushed him for more. That likely would have helped both of us come to an even deeper understanding and appreciation for the need to “do something,” and reflect upon what was done, why and how. It likely would have strengthened our relationship.
“Do something” is a deceptively simple life philosophy when looked at from all angles, within and without. Sometimes we have to be a human being. Sometimes we have to be a human doing. What I mean is we should be a human being – that is, mindful and present – when we need to be, and a human doing – that is, reflecting, accepting and acting – when we need to do. Together they create a human becoming, as we mix and match them in proper proportions for what is needed at any place and time.
Was it Worth it?
I think we should spontaneously prepare for such “Was it worth it?” life questions from young people. Then we can impart to them the need for that depth of self-reflection. Even at a young age, self-reflection is a vital skill.
This is one reason why some elementary teachers guide their students into short meditations or breathing exercises to attain inner calm during the trials and tribulations of the usual school day. It’s a helpful habit that can make children less reactive and more reflective. Elders who have such a practice often invite their children and grandchildren to sit quietly with them for a few minutes at a time, too. Later, when the little people get up to do something, they are much more in tune with self, others and the world around them, and the actions they take will be, too.
Years later, when they are asked the “Was it worth it?” question, they will think of you and thank you for giving an answer worth living.
© Steve Guettermann 2023
For a more scientific look at mindfulness, being present and self-reflection, please check out the links below.
https://hbr.org/2022/03/dont-underestimate-the-power-of-self-reflection
https://therapychanges.com/blog/2020/01/starting-2020-with-mindful-self-reflection-practices/
https://positivepsychology.com/present-moment/
And, for an Eastern perspective on living a meaningful life, check out this youtube video: 21 Principles: The Way Of Walking Alone, by Miyamoto Musashi, legendary samurai swordsman. Written a week before he died, Musashi offers the lessons he learned as a human being, a human doing and a human becoming.
It likely lost a little something in the translation, but it moves quickly. My personal favorite may be #6: Do not regret what you have done.
